One Rottweiler, please...

I'm a pretty together person, mentally speaking.

Sure I have my bad days when I think I'm so lost and alone and that if a giant black hole opened up in front of me I wouldn't hesitate jumping into it.

But I generally am a pretty healthy person - mentally.

I know there isn't an international organisation spying on my every move just in case I crack the conspiracy around, well, everything.
I know where I am, and who I am.
And I keep my answers to the voices in my head pretty quiet.

And I don't suffer from panic attacks.

Well, not conciously anyway.

Until recently.

After the second attempt to break in to my room, I have not been able to sleep deeper than a light, weary doze. Every sound wakes me up. Every scrape on the pavement gets my heart racing. Every time I close my eyes, I think someone is going to get in and hurt me.

About two nights ago, I had the umpteenth sensation of absolute paralysis. My limbs were leaden, I couldn't move or speak. And I knew there was someone in the room with me. The fucker even had the audacity to speak in a corny 'bad guy' voice.
When I was able to force myself awake, I found that my window was tightly bolted and nothing was disturbed (apart from my mental state).

Now I dread going to bed. And irony of all, is I'm exhausted. I WANT to sleep, but can't. The paralysis I've had before, but the voice was new. And that freaked me out more than anything!

So I'm back to the whole flat hunting thing.
Shoot me now...

My Space

I know I've bitched about my flatmate before, but this is getting ridiculous. Firstly, as stated before, I am spoilt and I like having my own space. I thought I'd be nice and help a friend in need for a while. It's been two months now!!! and he HAS TO GO!
Take last night for example. I get home at about 8pm, throw together supper for the two of us and by 10:00pm am so tired, can barely keep my eyes open, so I crawl into the next room to go sleep. Barely an hour later, Nats comes over. I hear her, cos I'm still mostly concious due to the loud TV, which I asked to have turned down, but somehow the volume always finds its way back to loud! P and Nats then proceed to sit and chat, loudly for the rest of the night, Nats at one stage shouting at P for forgetting her directions to get to the London Zoo.

Now I'm rather pissed, irritated, and tired, so i stumble out of bed, drag open the doors, and rasp:
Happy New Year, now please shut up. I have work in a few hours.
And not just my day job, but a shift at the pub too!

This has got to end. If anyone wants a flatmate or knows of somewhere cheap for P to rent, please let me know. I need him out!

Onto other news, my mate Mike posted these questions on his blog and challenges us to answer them. I pose the same challenge to you! Copy and paste the questions onto your blog and tag the next person.

1. What's the biggest lesson Life has taught you?
Don’t rely on anyone but yourself. And Karma does exist. My mom is a living example of that.

2. The one physical thing you want most in life right now?
A pet. Preferably a cat. No, most definitely a cat.

3. How times have your fallen in love?
Twice. Which, in my books, exceeds my quota for life! Takes up far too much energy.

4. If everyone you know were to die at the same time but you knew that you could save one, who would it be?
Not fair! Does it have to be only one? Isn’t there a loophole? Does my cat count?
Ok, fine, I have someone in mind, but they’ll remain nameless.

5. How many people have you slept with?
my mother might read this!

6. What single aspect of yourself would you lessen?
Other than my physical dimensions? The constant noise in my head.

7. Choose one person that you wish publicly humiliated?
I would mention a politician, but I wish all politicians public humiliation.

8. One person you'd spend the last day of your life with (only one!)?
only one? On the last day of my life, I want to be surrounded with everyone I love! (not unlike Kevin Kline in De-Lovely)

9. What one direction did your life take that you wouldn't have chosen with hindsight?
Not going to university straight after school. Choosing to work instead.

10. Realistically, what would you do if you discovered today that you had 1 month to live?
I would visit as many places as I could in a month, leaving my mark somewhere at each spot. I would also throw the ultimate party with everyone I know there and spend the hours inbetween listening to as much music as I can. I’d also confess my deepest secrets to the appropriate people. And set up my last will and testament. And not work!!!!