I'm a pretty together person, mentally speaking.
Sure I have my bad days when I think I'm so lost and alone and that if a giant black hole opened up in front of me I wouldn't hesitate jumping into it.
But I generally am a pretty healthy person - mentally.
I know there isn't an international organisation spying on my every move just in case I crack the conspiracy around, well, everything.
I know where I am, and who I am.
And I keep my answers to the voices in my head pretty quiet.
And I don't suffer from panic attacks.
Well, not conciously anyway.
Until recently.
After the second attempt to break in to my room, I have not been able to sleep deeper than a light, weary doze. Every sound wakes me up. Every scrape on the pavement gets my heart racing. Every time I close my eyes, I think someone is going to get in and hurt me.
About two nights ago, I had the umpteenth sensation of absolute paralysis. My limbs were leaden, I couldn't move or speak. And I knew there was someone in the room with me. The fucker even had the audacity to speak in a corny 'bad guy' voice.
When I was able to force myself awake, I found that my window was tightly bolted and nothing was disturbed (apart from my mental state).
Now I dread going to bed. And irony of all, is I'm exhausted. I WANT to sleep, but can't. The paralysis I've had before, but the voice was new. And that freaked me out more than anything!
So I'm back to the whole flat hunting thing.
Shoot me now...
