Afrikaner? What's that?

The Muso brought a very interesting, albeit misinformed article to my attention, written by none other than The New York Times.
I've often thought of the NY Times as a reliable source of news and the ultimate place to work as a journo. Guess I was wrong.

But that's besides the point.

The point is, this little rock number called 'De La Ray' written by Louis Pepler and co is just that, a little rock song abotu someone they admire. It is not a call to arms. It is not inciting anarchy a la Sex Pistols. it is in fact a song to remind those of Voortrekker descent where they came from. And granted, at the time, South Africa was a harsh place and war was rife as everyone was fighting for a little piece of land to call thier own, so of course there will be a lot of things we'd prefer to not remember as it is not PC under the new South African constitution.

This comes at a time when the government is changing street/building/city/airport names at a dizzying rate, wiping out any trace of the previous government. Here's a question...had we not had the previous government and apartheid and 'The Struggle', would SA be in the state it is today? Every country throughout the world and history has had a violent past and many have risen above it.
Let's look at the ever policing country that is the US.
They sat on thier high horse, telling us that apartheid is wrong when barely 50 years before, they had herded the Native American community into homelands, aka reservations.
And yet, they still make movies worshipping the cowboys that did it. Dare I say it? Tsotsi is our answer to Dances with Wolves. In terms of understanding other cultures.
And the Brits hardly have a leg to stand on. They were the ones instigating death camps and parading thier 'superior race' attitude not only in South Africa, but in all thier colonies.

If I remember my history classes correctly, the Afrikaners/Voortrekkers were the ones who adapted to the harsh wilderness of Africa. The Empire demanded on taming it. It is ugly. Untoward. Brutal.
But true.

On a personal level, my generation of Afrikaans kids are raised to feel guilty for being just that- a white, afrikaans speaking South African. But what are we guilty of? I was ten years old when we had the first democratic elections. I had never lived with apartheid. But I am living with the shadow of it over my life. We are paying for the crimes of our forefathers.
Haven't we apologised enough?
When will the government be satisfied?
They've taken our job options, our safety, our security, our right to live unprosecuted and have warped it through Affirmative Action, BEE, unstoppable crime, reversed discrimination.
For that is what it is.

I would like to tell my kids one day of the history of South Africa and its past heroes. I will tell them of the brilliant guerilla tactics used by the Boers, the discipline of Shaka Zulu's warriors, the ambition of the Brits and the bravery of every person who tried to make a young SA home. Each culture has its heroes and we must respect that. We must respect the songs written about war heroes, no matter what side of history they were on.

I am a proud South African, bilingual, white woman. And I am not about to have my culture swept under the carpet to appease sore losers in history.

The Musicals Lied To Us

I'm sure you're all familiar with a little musical called 'The Boyfriend'. If you're not, check out the link first.

In the show is a little love song sung by the lead protaganists. They sing about escaping thier lives and living in a room in Bloomsbury. So did I, until I actually spent an evening in Bloomsbury (which is situated near Russell Square tube station).
Bloomsbury is NOT the bohemian british Montmatre as made out in the song. Home to musicians, artists and philosphers with dirt cheap rent. Well, not anymore. It is now home to a mall that rivals Menlyn Park Mall, a big ass Holiday Inn, a few pubs, overpriced apartments and the worst scrounge oon the face of the planet - the psuedo-indie art school student with more of dad's money than sense, trooping around in thier 'lord of the countryside manor' gear from Selfridges Polo lifestyle section, and sporting awful haircuts.
These are not the type of people I want as neighbours. They came into the pub last night (I was helping out at the Marquis Cornwallis) and threw a right hissy fit when I told them we were out of Westons Cider. Just for the record, this cider has an alcohol content of 7.3%, hence the appeal. They then ordered the next strongest brew and shuffled off into a corner to sulk and look cool. Add two birds in stretch micro minis with a weak spot for Pinot Grigio (its the new Chardonnay, dahling) and we have a recipe for debauchery on a London Student Level.

Were there discussions of the deep and meaningful kind? Well, unless you take deep as in 'tongue deeply down other's throat' and his comment to call 'meaningful', then yes.

After we closed, and kicked the lot of them out, they went down to the off license and procured cheap vodka and proceeded to hang out on a freezing street corner acting like a bunch of chavs! Quite disgusting, really.

So I've given up on Bloomsbury. Rather give me Camden anyday. With the punks, rockers, occasional celebs crashing a party and the drug dealers hanging out at the canal trying to sell you dodgy dutch skunk. At least I know I won't feel the need to punch them in the face for trying to put on a cockney accent to kill the Eton undertones. BLEH!

Oscar Fun

I didn't watch the Oscars this year (or the other years before) but when I came across this little clip, I couldn't help but love it!! Old school musical camp meets Jack Black...HAHAHAHAHAHA

Island Style

Its official! i am an island. Alone. Far away from similar islands. I'm not even part of an archipelgo. Even here in blogsphere, I realise that as much as I enjoy reading everyone's blogs+, I doubt if I would actually be in the same social circles as them.
i read about hectic nights out at Manhattans, Moloko, Joe Kools etc etc and know for a fact that those are not places I would go to. firstly cos I've been and they sucked and secondly, cos they just suck.
Maybe my interests are just so left of centre, I can't seem to find common ground with anyone.
But I'm not a loner who suffers in the corner. I have friends with similar interests, but over here its different.

Enough self pity...onto the weekend.

Worked on Friday night. Did pretty well tips wise. After work, my boss bought us a round of drinks, then we went downstairs and had some more. It ended with me kinda drunk-ed and my boss sayign I better go home, cos I'm working in the morning. Woke up with ten minutes to spare, found half eaten parcel of chips that i must have bought on the way home, nuked and chowed them for breakfast. was an hour late for work...slinked in and began cutting limes.
A completely underated chore, by the way.
Met up with Natz for a drink to catch up on her holiday.

One thing that grates me is when you're sitting in a pub with someone and they recieve a phonecall on thier cell and proceed to sit and chat to that person while all you can do is look around and drink your drink. fucks me right off!! Rather say "I'm busy having a drink with a mate, can i call you back"

Spent the rest of saturday night and early sunday morning playing music and working on my ever growing novel. May have to turn it into a miniseries!!

Then came Sunday evening...the pub staff meeting with wine/beer tasting afterwards.
The meeting part was boring. I spaced out...completely. Then came the wine tasting part. We started on teh white wines then moved onto the reds (granted, we sell 11 different types of each). Halfway through the red wine, everyone was getting rather smashed. By the end of the fancy beer tasting, I had reached the stage of drunkendness that I knew was a bad idea, so I made my excuses and left. It was already 11pm! And I have to work today...apparently.
Yes, i'm so hardcore!
Today is Focus on Work day. I'm going to make up for the slacking I did last week. If only to guarentee myself a job for when I get back.

+And I do so love reading the hilarious/thought provokling/just plain entertaining scripts of everyone.

Sorted

If there was ever a need for evidence as to how sick of a puppy I am, this would be it.
I have spent the morning trying to sort my music collection. yep. During working hours. I have been getting the album information off the web through media player and making sense of the chaos that makes up my music library, which I'm trying to rebuild after the crash of '06 and '07.

See, I prefer to have every song in my collection catalogued. Fully labelled with title, artist name, album and preferably year of release as well.
The problem with ripping cds when offline is that you don't get the info you need and then you have to trawl through lists of albums trying to choose the right one. Let's take Smashing Pumpkins for example.
I recently got my grubby paws on thier complete discography. That's all thier cds, right? Well, as I was looking for the right album information for the songs, I was bein given options of the "japan bonus track" release or the "australian" release etc etc. Let's just say, it fucked me right off!

I need to go through the labelled songs to see if I didn't put any live shows in with studio albums etc.
Granted, this could take me an entire weekend.
I need another hobby.
or a boyfriend.

Joyce was quiet last night, for a change. Could be due to me coming home at a normal hour (8pm) and keeping my headphones in, proceeded to clean my room and do my laundry. So much for an early evening!

Murderous Thoughts

It is no longer a mystery to me when one hears tales of old ladies foudn dead after two weeks with thier lodger mysteriously disappearing during that time.
It's really quite simple.
In a moment of old lady induced pyschosis and insanity, the lodger lunged for, found and proceeded to throttle the windpipe of said old lady until the red mist cleared and in thier hands is the dead body of thier landlady (death due to heart attack, not strangulation) freaked a tteh thought of being deported and quietly left the city. They can be found working in dodgy nightclubs in Brighton now.

I had a shift at teh pub last night. Was outta there by 12:30, got home by 1:00am. At 2:00am this morning, the TV goes on in the living room next door. Very. Fucking. Loud.
I crawled out of bed and flung open the sliding doors only to find the tv room deserted, the light on and the TV on. Promptly switched off the TV and lights, slammed the door closed and crawled back under the covers. If joyce had been in the TV room, i may have been typing this from the lower decks of a ferry heading to Belgium praying no one checks under the stairs.
And to top it all off, I had to leave at 6:30am to be at work for a meeting, over slept, and when I got here...there was no hot chocolate waiting for me.
Colour me murderous!

If anyone wants anything, please leave it on my desk.
I'll be under my desk.

Karma Police

Today is a good day. Spring is rearing its pollen weilding head and the sun is shining. I have a shift tonight at the pub (which I actually enjoy). My boss is on a plan en route to Sri Lanka for the next month and I have a new phone.

Yep. I have a new phone. But the wierd thing is how I came to own it.

I worked late last night, cooled my heels at teh station waiting for the train, mostly uneventful ride to Waterloo where I changed onto the underground train all the while listening to my music and working on the constantly changing plot of my novel and in general being a good citizen.
So i'm on the train, half asleep when some random woman pokes my arm and points to the vacant seat next to me.
There, lying mere inches from my leg is a cellphone. But not just any phone. Its the identical model to the one i lost.

i think to myself...shit, some poor bugger is out there right now missingthier phone like I missed mine.
I tried to switch it on...dead. So I decided to take it home, charge it, see if there is a number on there I can call to return the phone.

No, really.

So I get home, charge it, and while munching a midnight dinner of a toasted tuna sarmie, I turn it on.
No Sim card.
So I check for photos.
nothing.

Oh well, I shrug to myself. No way to contact the previous owners. phoen is still in mint condition.
So I have a new phone. YAY!

And now I see there is this competition for Urban Chick Stories. I'm so going to enter...the only problem is...which story to use???

Right, best dive back into my java.

More shameless plugging

Remember a few weeks ago I did a very enthusiastic post about The Bang?

Well, it seems that they keep gettign great exposure. Here is a new interview with them from MIO.co.za

If you haven't heard of them and you live in Jozi, GO CHECK THEM OUT!!!
Today!
Now!

Why are you still reading this????

Workaholic

Its 10pm.
I'm still at the office.
But i'm not working. Oh no.
I'm chilling. Surfing the net, listening to music and chatting to mates.

Why?

Cos I really don't want to go home.

Why?

Two words: P and Joyce.

I will probably leave in teh next hour so that i can catch the last train home, crawl into bed by 1am and get up tomorrow at 7am (i know, it should be 6am) to be at work by 9am and then leave work at 6pm to be at the pub by 7pm so that I can finish my shift by 12:30am then get home by 2am only to start the whole thing again.
And then P and Joyce get upset when I spend Sunday doing chores and mooching.

Granted, I do usually work until 8pm anyway.

But this doesn't make me a workaholic. Does it?

I Don't Love You

Colour me a happy fan! Whilst trawling the internet this weekend, I came across a little website that told me, to my utter delight, that last week saw My Chemical Romance film the video for thier new single 'I Don't Love You'. I'm really happy abotu this as it's one of my fave tracks off the album. It's a beautiful song, with touching words and a subtext that can be twisted to suit your mood. I can't WAIT to see the video!!!

As for anything newsworthy in my life...well, on Friday they closed off Regents street by the pub, because someone decided to mount the kerb and take out six pedestrians and a bus stop. Cops everywhere! Felt like being in Jozi.
P and I are back on good terms now that he found himself a full time job. He is no longer mooching about the place. yay!
Joyce asked me four times yesterday what time I was going to work, after I told her that it was Sunday and I was not going to work until Monday. Silly old bird!

My mommmy called last night, and we chatted for nearly an hour! I really miss her.

I've spent the weekend listening to Kamelot, Arcade Fire (Funeral album) and Lostprophets. It was a good weekend.

The Outside World

A Lot of my posts lately havev been very self centred. But today, i plan to look at whats happening in the big wide world.

First issue: YouTube hands over user details to Fox.

By YouTube handing over user details to Fox, it has given the network free access to pluck out anything that has been posted by users without their permission. So essentially, we're losing all the cool music videos, show snippets and will be left with a video site filled with jackass-esque stunts and musical slideshows dedicated to bands produced by 14 year old girls.

Basically, YouTube has sold out.

At the same time, Apple and other major music distributors in terms of downloadable music have noticed a severe loss in download sales. And they're scratching their heads as to why.

Many claim that its because of Apple's DRM system in iTunes. Others say its because of file sharing systems like Limewire and Torrents.

At the same time, cd sales have dropped less noticeably. Even though they're quick to point out that downloads will replace cds, I guess they haven't figured that many of us out there actually LIKE buying a cd. It helps to have the original disc handy when your hard drive crashes, losing your files!

And many countries are still living with dodgy dial up and adsl internet connections, which makes downloading music a hit and miss situation at best.

Maybe once these countries are opened up to broadband, we will see a serious shift in music distribution.

The way I see it, and please correct me if I'm mistaken, is that people will always try to get free music and share it. So I wouldn't invest much in cd/download sales. The best way for musicians to make money in the future is live shows, merchandise, royalties on songs used in ads etc.

This is both a good and bad thing.

Good in terms of generating a need for more, better equipped live venues to be opened and used.

Bad in terms of public apathy about going to live shows.

So I guess the general public will have to pull up their socks, and go watch more live bands, buy their merch and when you can rather buy the cd than download it.

Its all so rainy..

So now i realise that when people bitch about UK weather, it's usually meant for the months november to march. These are indeed the worst months to be anywhere north. I think I've grown gills.

A lot of stuff on the blogosphere this week. Mostly Valentines related, but there is also stirrings in the music side of the world.

Festivals are coming up and I am itching to get my hands on some tickets. But I have two problems.
1)I'm too broke to afford to go this year.
2)Had I the money, I have no one to go with anyway!!

What a sad state of affairs.

This week at work has been madness. Projects loom over me like a guillotine, my bed has forgotten what i look like and I still have a pile of laundry to do!
So, in a way of combatting my workaholic state, I am going to go home at a reasonable hour (8pm), do my laundry and maybe go to bed early or watch TV with flatmate P (who is all moochy and miserable cos he can't hold a job. Not that I haven't told him that he needs to reign in his rather abrasive personality at work.)
Speaking of P...came home the other day to find him sulking on the couch.

II: What's up?
P: These people want me to redo my CV.
II: Yeah? Why?
P: They say I need to add in my hobbies.
II: Well, add them in.
P: I can't think of any.
II: You've been sitting here for the past 8 hours trying to think of a hobby?
P nods.
II: Oh FFS (for fuck sake) Just put down drinking, womanising, and and...well thats about it.
P: (looking rather pissed off) That's not true. I have other hobbies.
II: No, P. I have other hobbies. Like researching music, blogging, amateur theatre, bad poetry, not sleeping. Those are hobbies. You don't do any of that.
P: I play playstation.
II: Fine. (leaves P to muddle through the situation)

And just for the record...No, P is NOT someone I'd take with to anything!

Best get back to those looming deadlines.

Valentines Day? No Problem.

Focusing is blurry

Over the weekend, I had a long hard think about what I'm doing and if I'm just fucking around or really trying to make a difference.

I came to the conclusion that I am, in fact, up to this point, stuffing up my changes to make anything out of myself.
So I made a plan, and by hell or high water, I am going to stick to it.

If I can only figure out how to concentrate on my job and the tons of work it includes. So from today, seeing as how its Monday and those are usually good days to make plans and resolutions and such, I am goign to be more focused on my job. And I will surprise my boss by just doing better and being more focused. I'm sure I can do it. I will be the most concientious employee he has ever had.
I just hope the right side of my brain has recieved the memo.

News from home: My mom has told me that my 15 year old sister - Fluff - has once again got herself grounded - for life!
She pulled the old 'i'll say i'm at yours, and you say you're at mine, when in fact we're somewhere else' scam on my mom over the weekend. The only reason she got caught was because her friend gave in a caved under the pressure. hehehehe. Oh yes, the joys of being 15 with rampant hormones and a figure to match. Sometimes I want to strangle her and other times I want to fly her over here to live with me. What do you do?

Onto other more exciting news, I have a new toy:



Yep, in the absence of a walkman phone, I got myself a Creative Zen V mp3 player. How cool is that? I now have music again!!! I've been using it to listen to the awesome mixes my mate Wicked Mike sent me as well as catching up on the tons of music i got my paws on. I'm rediscovering old faves and discovering great newbies.
The Smashing Pumpkins (discography), Green Day(pre-American Idiot), Damien Rice, Regina Specktor, Amy Winehouse, The Shins, Alkaline Trio, Blue October, Radiohead, John Mayer, The Strokes, The View, The Good, The Bad & The Queen, Lostprophets, Yellowcard, Cold War Kids, The Clash, Death Cab for Cutie and my guilty pleasure - Fall Out Boy.

Ah, yes, listening pleasure! But this is not the end of the list - oh no..there is more to come. As soon as I can get the albums. Oh, and if you are plannign to buy The Used Berth DVD/Cd - don't bother. It really is a bit of a let down. Rather wait for the studio release in May.

Now for some home grown talent - The Parlotones have a music video out for Beautiful.
Here it is:

drunken ramblings -- again

Fuckme. Its 3:45am, just finished a hectic week Ready for nothingbutsweet oblivion,but my mediaplayuer sweeems to beactingup. oh fuck. mustfix it up. for noiw,.gonna crawl inot bed.,wich meluck,

bye

Insano...
rather drunk and onbliterate...ot sumtin'...

Blue October - Hate Me

Ok, you're probably gonna be pissed at yoru browser slowing down due to the vid, but trust me, these lo fi rockers from Texas really kick ass. I watched them live at Teh Barfly on my birthday last year and I finally found a music video of thiers.

Bubbled

Being phoneless is a double edged sword.

On one hand, I like not being hounded by stupid, pointless sms's from flatmate P asking when I'll be home etc.

On the other hand, I miss my music and being able to take photos, like for today, when it's snowing beautifully! Everything is coated in white and looks like a christmas card, except that it isn't xmas.

My Apple obsessed boss asked me why I didn't own an iPod. There are many reasons, one of them being - why would I want an external mp3 player that has crappy battery life and those stupid white headphones. I liked my phone cos it was an mp3 player, camera and phone all in one. And don't bringin the iPhone cos it is irrelevant until it is released worldwide. There's also the music copyright issue that iTunes has with other mp3 players and well, an entire glossary of why I won't buy from Apple.



Vs
















But that aside, I forgot how much I treasure the hour it takes me to get to and from work, as that is the only time I have to me and my head and the swirling vortex that makes up my mental process. Without the music to cocoon me, I'm subjected to the jarring, noisy reality that is the London underground, including its colourful characters. I'd rather the cocoon. Thanks. Its here that I can really concentrate on what i'm listening to and where my best musical observations materialise. SIGH.

Its also snowing today. Which is cool, cos i'm not sick so I can go build a snowman later! yay! Wait, I think I mentioned it already. I'm just so excited. Snow is still very much a novelty in my little universe.

I need a cup of strong Java and then I'll be able to tackle my list of to do today. wish me luck!!

Debating Debauchery

Yesterday was on of the most bizarre days of my life.

The events of yesterday have me on a knife's edge. Do I sit and mope, repeating 'why me?' to the heavens. Or do I shake it off, think positive and make a plan?

Obviously me being me, I'm making a plan. But let me first give you a rundown of the day.

Went to work, as one does to pay rent. Left work early to go stand on Regents Street, in the freezing cold, for three hours, to go see an exclusive, free, acoustic gig of The Fratellis.

They were great! A little buggered from their trip in Germany, they played pretty well. Surprisingly, the drummer, Mince Fratelli, is actually a kick ass guitarist! The 300 strong crowd crammed into the mezzanine of the Apple store, surrounded by nervous looking Apple staff – obviously worried that someone would try to steal an Apple product (as if!?!)

I was lucky enough to get a front row standing spot, just behind the plush theatre style seats of which there were four rows. So it was pretty intimate.

I love gigs like this. It was recorded and will be available on iTunes from next week. I'm the punter singing karaoke style along with them.

Moving on.

I then met up with the Ozzie chef I met at the bus stop a few weeks ago. We headed to the Dublin Castle – a great spot for a pint or two…or three.

Then somehow ended up at another place – Bartok. I'm not a fan of it, but somehow we became embroiled in a political discussion with an ex surfer from Durban and a dreadlocked politics student.

The hours flew by.

Ended up falling into and out of a cab in the wee hours of this morning before promptly passing out in bed.


This morning brought the discovery that somewhere in my traversing last night, I lost my phone. This really put a dampner on my pretty good mood. My Fratellis photos were on there! So now I need to go and buy a new phone. Shit!

And it is going to snow tomorrow. Which means London will grind to a stand still.



I'll be under my desk if anyone asks.

Obscutiry and Clarity

Fuck it!

I am never cracking a joke again. Ever.
My sense of humour is far too obscure to secure any giggles, so i give up.

Why did no one catch my kitten joke. (Which isn't a joke actually as I really do plan to get a kitten and name it Emo.) But it was still a good joke. It even took my sister Lollipop about 5 minutes to connect the dots.

So let me break it down for you.
Emo is associated with goth/black/screamo rock. See bands like Dashboard Confessional, Taking Back Sunday, Lostprophets etc.
A little itty bitty white kitten is the total antonym of everything Emo.

Yet, in a way, the though of a kitten makes me feel all fuzzy and happy, pretty much what emo makes me feel too.

Moving on...

I had a bit of a Eureka moment on the train this morning. There I was, sipping my large coffee, contemplating my life and my job and the list of things i have to do before jetting off to the Apple store to go see The Fratellis. (and if you don't know who they are, then you're in trouble).
So my eureka moment happened when I was thinking about The Devil wears Prada and how in one scene, Stanley Tucci tells Anne Hathaway to stop whining and embrace her crappy job, because firstly, it is the oppurtunity of a lifetime and secondly, it won't last forever.
This made me think - I tend to bitch about my job a lot. when in fact, I'm whining. I hate whining. So no more whining from me. I'm going to embrace the property industry and hopefully, within a year, I can mmove onto bigger better things.

This is me being positive. Wish me luck.

Petting

Have decided to get a white kitten.

and name it...Emo.

The Introspective Musings of a Hangover

So we had a masseuse come in yesterday for our monthly back massage. Just for the record, I’m not one for massages administered by strangers, especially when they decide the top of my ass needs massaging. I have a knot just under my left shoulder blade. Its my built in stress detector. The intensity of its burning depends on how stressed I am. So yesterday this masseuse decides that this little (ok, so it was freakin’ big at the time) knot needs to go. And she spent most of the appointment wrestling with it.
Needless to say, it’s back.

I felt like such a corporate yuppie as well. And this morning my boss announces that from now on, Fridays are wear-what-you-want days. Technically, I’ve been doing that everyday, so it makes no difference to me.
The funny thing is, the more I sink into British yuppidom, the less I like it. Ok, so the earning potential is huge, and sitting here, typing all day beats standing around in HMV earning minimum wage. But I have to sometimes question why I bother. What am I ultimately contributing to the world? I’m not making important decisions regarding global warming or chaining myself to a tree to protect a forest or waging war in the face of worldwide consumption. In fact, I’m part of the consumption cycle!
I guess what my liberal hippie is trying to say, very ineloquently, is that I think I need to rethink this whole corporate job thing.

My dream job, as unglamorous and demanding and low paying as it is, would be to manage a band and make them successful. Granted, music is a consumer product, but while you have pocket money wielding teens willing to buy tickets to watch bands play, then consume away I say.
But it’s more than that.
I love watching people enjoy themselves at an event I put together. To see kids having the time of their lives, making memories and having ‘moments’ while watching their favourite band gives me a fuzzy feeling, because in a warped way, I had an affect in a life or two. And that is what I want to do.
I’ll leave the songwriting and performing to the artists. I prefer to stay behind the scenes.
So I think that I need to find a job closer to home, so I can spend less time commuting and more time networking, meeting bands and people in the industry. Or maybe I’ll just go to art school.

On a separate subject. My colleagues. I really like them, they’re a pretty cool bunch of people, but I have nothing in common with them. It’s a bit like high school actually, just without the politics. We’ve got our accounting guys (the chess club), the rest of the girls in the office (the cheerleading squad) My boss (the principal) and then there’s me – the kid sitting alone, under a tree, sporting a rock-esque T shirt and reading a novel by Terry Pratchett while getting excited about things like World of Warcraft and Counter Strike.
Don’t get me wrong, they’re all a great bunch of people, and we get along just fine, but it would be nice to work with someone who gets as excited about the Download Fest as I do, and not be met with blank stares.

Ok, enough self pity for today. Time for a plan of action. Well, from next month. I need to finish paying my debt.

Sunlight

Today is a good and happy place to be. Why?

Well, for a number of reasons.

1.) As of this morning, I am the proud owner of the new Norah Jones cd and Life on the Murder Scene DVD.
2.) I don't have a shift at the pub tonight.
3.) I still have a job. Or two. I have an income.
4.) I'm not sick.
5.) My novel has taken plot shape.
6.) We have a masseuse coming this afternoon
7.) My computer hasn't crashed.
8.) My jeans are loose on me.
9.) The sun is shining.


Yep, pretty good reasons to be happy today.


Last night as I was on the bus home, I was musing about what people perceive of me. Optimistic seems to be the word that gets mentioned quite often. This reminded me of what Wicked Mike said when he pimped my blog to all and sundry. I thought that I should just put some perspective on my depression in the face of optimism.

I'm pretty normal, in general. After much introspection and mental unravelling, I have decided that the root of my depression is that I tend to set myself up to fail because my ideas and dreams are bigger than anything I am capable of. The continual failure is depressing. I'm also lonely. But this can be cured by buying a cat. Or three.

My optimism stems from the fact that I tend to cling to the brighter, lighter side of things. The sunrays in my life. I'm scared stiff of what will happen the day I lose grip of the light. How far am I capable of spiralling down into depression? Would it be a little thing that can be sorted with a few shags and some prescriptions? Or is it the kind that needs electro shock therapy and a cornucopia of pharmaceuticals?

To succumb to it would be admitting defeat, giving in to the apathy of existence and that is not the point of life.

So now you can brag to your friends that you know the most optimistic depressant in the world.