Sunlight

Today is a good and happy place to be. Why?

Well, for a number of reasons.

1.) As of this morning, I am the proud owner of the new Norah Jones cd and Life on the Murder Scene DVD.
2.) I don't have a shift at the pub tonight.
3.) I still have a job. Or two. I have an income.
4.) I'm not sick.
5.) My novel has taken plot shape.
6.) We have a masseuse coming this afternoon
7.) My computer hasn't crashed.
8.) My jeans are loose on me.
9.) The sun is shining.


Yep, pretty good reasons to be happy today.


Last night as I was on the bus home, I was musing about what people perceive of me. Optimistic seems to be the word that gets mentioned quite often. This reminded me of what Wicked Mike said when he pimped my blog to all and sundry. I thought that I should just put some perspective on my depression in the face of optimism.

I'm pretty normal, in general. After much introspection and mental unravelling, I have decided that the root of my depression is that I tend to set myself up to fail because my ideas and dreams are bigger than anything I am capable of. The continual failure is depressing. I'm also lonely. But this can be cured by buying a cat. Or three.

My optimism stems from the fact that I tend to cling to the brighter, lighter side of things. The sunrays in my life. I'm scared stiff of what will happen the day I lose grip of the light. How far am I capable of spiralling down into depression? Would it be a little thing that can be sorted with a few shags and some prescriptions? Or is it the kind that needs electro shock therapy and a cornucopia of pharmaceuticals?

To succumb to it would be admitting defeat, giving in to the apathy of existence and that is not the point of life.

So now you can brag to your friends that you know the most optimistic depressant in the world.